My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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