he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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