she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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