I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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