So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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