i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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