I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
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(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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