So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize