I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize