I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize