god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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