get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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