One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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