WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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