you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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