Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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