great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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