I just threw up on my dentist
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girls should come with a carfax report
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize