The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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