Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize