My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize