Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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