lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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