he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
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My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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