Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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