i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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