Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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