You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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