And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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