he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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