You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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