i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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