I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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