im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize