Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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