my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize