Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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