I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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