i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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