I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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