her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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