hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize