even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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