dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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