Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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