Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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