Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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