I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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