Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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