Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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